Now more than ever, culture has come to play a huge role in shaping our ideas about what is sexually attractive. Daily, a steady stream of movies, television, books, and advertising inundates our brains, manipulating our sexual tastes and appetites in the most unexpected ways. Yet it is possible to conceive of a version of sexual desire that doesn’t quite conform with what our culture sees as the norm.
The term “fetishism” originates from the Portuguese word feitico, which means “obsessive fascination.” Strictly speaking, a fetishistic disorder is an intense sexual attraction to either inanimate objects or body parts not traditionally viewed as sexual.
But most individuals find particular non-genital bodily features attractive: a man’s piercing eyes, the shape of a woman’s legs, the strength or femininity of hands, perhaps. Some scientists have thus concluded that a small measure of fetishism is a normal feature of human sexuality.
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We’re All a Little Kinky
People with a sexual kink or fetish enjoy certain sexual activities or behavior that exists further outside this “norm” of “traditional” sexuality. Your kink may be bondage, in which case you feel especially aroused when you’re somehow restrained in bed.
Someone with a foot fetish, on the other hand, might be unable to experience sexual arousal without first indulging in a partner’s toes.
Psychologists suggest that, as long as you’re having harmless, consensual fun, you shouldn’t worry about how freaky you can get in bed. Of course, human beings are notorious for their inability to follow good advice.
So, if you ever feel anxious or embarrassed about some weird sexual urge or inclination, it might help to know that you’re not alone.
In recent years, science has amassed a veritable canon of studies showing a decidedly kinky and fetishistic –but not often openly discussed – side to our culture. The fact is that just about everyone you know has got a kinky side that just might fit into one of the following categories.
1. Watching Pornography
Pornography is perhaps the lowest-hanging fruit in the tree of sexual kinks and fetishes. In 2013, researchers in Canada set out to run physiological tests on men who had viewed porn and men who had not.
The scientists later had to shift the focus of their research to the age of earliest exposure. This is because they failed to find even one male who had not viewed pornography.
In related research, Marie Claire surveyed more than 3,000 women and found that more than two-thirds of them occasionally viewed porn. Ten percent viewed porn every day.
2. Role-Playing
Role-playing involves acting out a sexual fantasy with one’s partner, either once or as part of a regular bedroom routine, says Denise Renye, a psychologist in San Francisco.
The 2015 SKYN Condoms Millennial Sex Survey shows that role-playing is one of the most popular kinks among people between the ages of 18 and 34 years old.
Of those who participated in the SKYN survey, 17 percent said role-playing as strangers was their favorite scenario. The most common characters involved in the sexy scenarios are strippers and schoolgirls!
While role-play sex can be a fetish or kink, it might also serve as a healthy way to indulge other fantasies, says Reyne. “For instance, someone may engage in spanking as part of a role-playing scenario in which one partner is dressed up as a schoolgirl and the other like a professor,” she explains.
3. Bondage
In 2014, researchers from the University of Montreal estimated that about half of all people’s sexual fantasies include some form of bondage. This means that every other person you’ve ever had sex with wanted you to tie up or restrain them.
The scientists based their calculation on the findings of a study eventually published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine. The same survey found that 47 percent of women and 60 percent of men fantasized about dominating a partner. Meanwhile, 65 percent of women and 53 percent of men daydreamt about being dominated.
If you are not into bondage, you would probably wonder why anyone would enjoy either activity. Sex researchers claim that people in the bondage community often talk about a blissful feeling of being transported into an altered mental flow.
That is, “the idea that … the world drops away and someone is completely focused on what they’re doing,” says researcher Brad Sagarin of Northern Illinois University.
4. Spanking and Impact Play
Do you like it a little rough? Does the sight of a whip make you weak in the knees? Impact play is quite common and might involve spanking, flogging, paddling, and other forms of consensual striking.
Spanking is often an easy and safe way to explore BDSM. Many couples will take it a step further, purchasing a riding crop to use during sex.
The consensual striking might range from a light slap on the bum to a smart crack of a whip, says Honolulu-based psychologist Janet Brito.
“Impact play can range from a soft to a more intense strike – or both – depending on what each person agrees to,” Brito says. “It is … important to establish informed consent before each session, and to choose a safe word.”
5. Voyeurism
More than one out of every eight men admits to having been sexually aroused by secretly spying on others having sex, according to research from Stockholm’s Karolinska Institute. This is to say that as many men have, in fact, admitted to being a peeping Tom, in one way or another, at least once during their adult lives.
In the study, 64 percent of men reported having a persistent fantasy of watching someone undress without their knowing. This means that even men who haven’t engaged in voyeurism have thought about it.
Women appear far less interested in this kink, but about 33 percent of them reported fantasies of being watched or observed while they undress or have sex.
6. Sexy Lingerie
Renye says that one of the most common fetishes centers on items of clothing that are likely sitting inside your dresser right now: lingerie. Since the 1990s, what polite society once considered a taboo fetish has become an obvious fabric of the male psyche.
One hundred years ago, any man who demonstrated a sexual preference for women wearing erotic underwear would have been deemed a deviant. That is no longer the case today. Since this fetish has gained mainstream acceptance, it’s hardly stigmatized.
Still, while many people get aroused by sexy underwear, lingerie becomes a fetish when someone needs it in a sexual situation in order to achieve orgasm. “This may show up in sexual play between and among individuals who may not even consider themselves kinky or to have a fetish,” says Renye.
One common lingerie fetish involves stockings, a fetish that some might associate with a fetish for feet. An intense sexual fixation on lingerie is an example of the less commonly used definition of a fetish. That is, an attraction to an inanimate object.
“Anything You Could Imagine”
In a world of 7 billion, any list of fetishes is bound to miss something. The six categories listed above hardly make for a complete catalogue. There are countless more fetishes and kinks out there.
People can “fetishize” almost anything, says Richard Krueger, an associate clinical professor of psychiatry at Columbia University. “Anything you could imagine.”
That’s not necessarily a bad thing, Krueger points out. “Whether somebody is doing this by themselves or with a partner, if they’re happy with it, then it’s not an issue,” he says, as long as no one is forced or coerced into participating.
So, what’s your fetish? What’s your kink? Why not tell us about it in the comment section below? We’d love to hear from you.
